When asked to name three geniuses, The Office’s David Brent reels off the names “Milligan, Cleese, Everett… Sessions”. Well, Dispatches can now add a fourth member to this comedy unit of gold. And this man resides in the Premier League. Andi Thomas explains…
Tag Archives | Teacher
There’s Something About Mario
Michael Owen. Jonny Wilkinson. Tim Henman. You still with me? Or have I lulled you into a mind-crunching stupor in the opening few sentences of this week’s Dispatch? Granted, these individuals achieved a certain level of success in their sporting disciplines during their careers but in all honesty, they won’t be lauded or celebrated for their exuberance and iconoclasm when their adventures are recalled in years to come. In many respects they were Blair’s Sportsmen; stylishly packaged by sporting manufacturers but very little substance beyond the obvious.
El Clasico Arabe by JVA
You’d think the Syrian people would have far more pressing concerns than which of Spain’s Big Two deserve their unbridled support, right? But as one Spanish Canadian found out, football and geopolitics seem to go together quite well. Dispatches is proud to welcome the mysteriously monikered JVA onto the Football Sofa.
For Bonnie
You came to us on a Tuesday.
As the world turned its head towards a bad man’s comeuppance and the clashing of Iberian footballing titans,
We watched you take your first breaths
A Sunday Sermon
Today’s sermon will comprise three parables alluding to the events of this most tumultuous of weeks in the Premier League parish.
The Parable of the Southern Man
After enjoying much success and acclaim with his powers of healing the most afflicted of organisms, a southern man was sent for by one of the warring kingdoms of the north-west to restore the health of one of its ailing tribes. Unbeknownst to the southern man, the tribe was in the midst of a bloody civil war that only served to inflict further wounds on a body that was suffering the ravages of the decaying of time.
Subject To Availability
From school reports to letters, diary entries to folk tales, Dispatches always likes to keep you on your toes.
What began on the eve of the World Cup as a midnight rambling has turned into Dispatches From A Football Sofa and I’d like to quickly take the chance to thank everybody who has read and supported this little blog of mine.
The Blame Game
You know the world’s gone slightly awry when you actually find yourself empathising with football referees. Other than traffic wardens, politicians and bankers there probably isn’t a more vilified and criticised profession at present than that of the matchday official. Ten Scottish Football League games were called off this weekend with four more having to be officiated by foreign referees because of a strike by their colleagues. Emanating from increased criticism by managers, players and fans, the men with the whistles felt that they needed to down tools in order to demonstrate their growing discontent with how they are treated.
Impressions of Africa
The news emerged today that, health permitting, Nelson Mandela will be in attendance at the Final at Soccer City on Sunday and if this is the case, he will be asked to present the trophy to the new champions. I sincerely hope this is what comes to pass. This is how it should be. Because from the moment the reports broke of the tragic and premature death of his great grand-daughter on the eve of the tournament, some of the soul was ripped out of this greatest of parties. As I wrote all those weeks ago, this was to be the crowning glory of the great man’s ‘long walk to freedom’ and to have been so sadly denied the opportunity to bask in the sunshine of his nation’s open embracing of the rest of the world is perhaps one of the most callous hands fate could have dealt. (see va-va-vuvuzela)
School Reports
The teacher in me couldn’t resist the opportunity. So without further ado here are Mr Theoharis’ end of term reports for the final four:
Uruguay:
This pupil has exceeded all expectations this year. He has applied himself to his studies with a commitment and discipline which has seen him rise from the middle ranks of the class and thus set himself the achievable target of finishing the term as star performer. Uruguay has shown exceptional flourishes of flamboyance on sporadic occasions and despite having to overcome a mid-term difficult period, when it seemed that everybody else in the class was willing him to fail, he has shown incredible tenacity which has seen him prevail and stands him in good stead for the examinations to follow.
The Numbers Game
I sadly missed the gallant but ultimately futile attempts of Bafana Bafana to avoid becoming the first ever host nation to go out in the group stage today. I missed it because of numbers. Cold, heartless numbers. I don’t much like statistics and data. They group people together into faceless graphs that suck out any semblance of individuality and personality which only serves to embed preconceptions and prejudices which as a teacher, I do so much to eradicate from the malleable minds of the young. As the minutes of the meeting turned into hours, I began to question the fundamental reasons that I chose to enter this profession in the first place. How can a bureaucrat in a faraway monolith of drabby cement even begin to understand the personalities that my fellow professionals and I juggle with every day, (with all their stratifying elements of mischievousness, witticisms and travails) through the emotionless accumulation of anonymous polls and pie charts. I decided today, that I will refuse to play the numbers game however much that might hinder any vainglorious ideas of career progression.
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In Defence Of Luis Suarez by Rachael Singh
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What’s The Point Of Scottish Football?
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Captain Caveman: The De-evolution of John Terry
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Alan Davies Is Here All Week
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Liverpool Football Club, 1892 – 2012 – An Obituary
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