Tag Archives | Rooney

The Black And White World Of England Captain Sol Campbell


Perhaps I’m not the best person to write this post because I clearly have a subjective stance with regard to Sol Campbell. After all, as a Spurs supporter, even after all these years, his defection to Arsenal remains one of the most odious acts of skullduggery committed during this era in football we like to describe as Modern.

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Breaking Arsenal: The Walter Wenger Story

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Breaking Bad. Everybody’s talking about it. What you may not know however, is that Vince Gilligan didn’t always have the modern fable of Mr Chips meeting Scarface in mind when he wrote it. Dispatches From A Football Sofa can ‘exclusively’ reveal that the story of Walter Hartwell White could have taken a very different turn. Here are the original Breaking Arsenal pitches, season by season.

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If It’s Good Enough For Scholes, It’s Good Enough For Me


(or Never Say Never Again)

I know, I know, I shouldn’t be here. I went out in a blaze of celebratory glory in May. A few parting shots dispensed, a few home truths told, a sprinkle of positivity to conclude and I was gone. If I’d been a character in EastEnders, that touching, syrupy version of the theme tune would have kicked in just as you read the final paragraph and I’d have been on my way to that far-flung outpost of Man-ches-ter where all folk who depart from the environs of Walford dwell.

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The Life And Times Of A Swansea City Ball Boy


This is a story for our times. Perhaps even a cautionary tale. It has its hero and it has its villain, its winner and its inevitable loser. Anybody who witnessed the events of the 23rd January 2013 will undoubtedly never forget the moment when an encounter that lasted no more than three seconds, incontrovertibly changed the lives of two young men forever.

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Extinguishing The Olympic Myth

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It’s because of football that the country’s economy has crashed. Because of football, the basic manners of this nation’s youth have receded into the whirring newsreels of the 1950s as children run amuck, looting our shops and spitting on our streets. It’s football’s fault that the very fabric of Western culture is collapsing before our very eyes as we all worship at the Church of Cowell and instant celebrity is the thing we all aspire to or at least live our lives through vicariously. If it wasn’t for football, we…

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The Soothing Banality Of Football

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This is not the post I had anticipated writing as my season opener. I had planned to kick it all off again with an essay entitled The Season After The Season Before in which I lamented the unfairness of Spurs’ omission from the Champions League after Chelsea’s elevation to European football’s zenith. At the time I had never experienced anything quite as heartbreaking. I even cried as Bayern Munich continually and wantonly threw away every match-winning chance they were presented with.

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Tiki Taka? Schmicki Schmacka: The Hollow Soul Of Spanish Football


Ladies and gentleman, the inevitable backlash has begun. Judging by the criticisms and desperate (but ultimately futile) imploring to the footballing gods for Croatia to score on Monday on various forums, social media and sports websites, Spain are no longer Everybody’s Favourite Football Team. It would seem that their brand of football once tagged, ‘death by a thousand passes’ has become just a little bit passé when compared to the organised, fighting spirit of England and Greece or the forward running of the Germans and Portuguese.

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The Continuing Adventures Of Captain Scott Parker

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Chapter 50: In which our hero goes into battle, learns to work towards the Common Good and is dismayed by the hair styling choices of today’s youth.

Flight Captain Scottisworth Parker sat in the temporary officer’s mess the Top Brass had laid on over in Krakow, Poland and took a satisfied puff on his pipe. The propaganda war had been clearly won. Many locals had been filled with a slight air of trepidation because of the English squadron’s deployment in this most easterly of bases but the chaps had gone on a charm offensive that saw a dramatic turnaround of perceptions both abroad and at home.

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We Didn’t Start The Poznan

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To round off the season, how about a review of the season set to the tune of Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start The Fire? Yes, really. There’s a link below if you want to sing along. Enjoy.

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No More Heroes by Ian Rands

Premier League Zoo

There was a time when you could saunter up to your local stadium and you’d know you’d have a fairly good chance of meeting one of your heroes. You might even have a chat with them. A photo. Definitely an autograph. But as the song goes, “something changed”. Ian Rands knows exactly what happened.

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