There was a time when you could saunter up to your local stadium and you’d know you’d have a fairly good chance of meeting one of your heroes. You might even have a chat with them. A photo. Definitely an autograph. But as the song goes, “something changed”. Ian Rands knows exactly what happened.
Tag Archives | Rooney
You Say Pep, I Say Pulis by Natasha Henry
It’s all about Pelè’s Beautiful Game and we should all be worshipping at the altar of the Camp Nou right? Not everybody thinks so. Like a Vandal striking at the gates of Rome, Arsenal fan Natasha Henry is here to celebrate the non-aesthetes. Yes, she’s an Arsenal fan.
Expletive Deleted: Football’s Culture Of Swearing
I’ve always prided myself on the fact that apart from the odd moment when it’s used in context, swearing has never featured in my Dispatches posts. That doesn’t mean I am adverse to the use of what so many paragons of virtue (aka Daily Mail readers) call ‘colourful language’. Hold a conversation with me and I’m likely to add a liberal smattering of effs and blinds for effect. However, when it comes to writing, I’ve always found that the use of profanity does more to limit the ebb and flow of discourse rather than enhance it. It comes across as crass and poorly thought out, demonstrating neither wit nor charm.
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Playing The Race Card: Suarez, Solidarity And 1973
So, the frivolities of the festive period will soon be over and left to recede into the vagaries of our collective memory. Once we unglue the sleep from our bleary, alcohol-ravaged eyes, 2012 will loom on the horizon. And what will we see? The dawn of a magnificent era of enlightenment, where men and women of all creeds and colours cavort in daffodil-covered fields, making coffee-coloured children from rainbow-coloured melting pots and supping the ambrosia of the gods? If only. Because like Sam Tyler in Life On Mars, I feel I’ve had an accident and woken up in 1973.
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Shearer For England by Hayden Shaw
The final Wednesday Dispatch of 2011 sees Hayden Shaw gazing into his crystal ball and telling us the future. It doesn’t bode well for England fans. Ladies and gentleman, may we introduce to you…
There’s Something About Mario
Michael Owen. Jonny Wilkinson. Tim Henman. You still with me? Or have I lulled you into a mind-crunching stupor in the opening few sentences of this week’s Dispatch? Granted, these individuals achieved a certain level of success in their sporting disciplines during their careers but in all honesty, they won’t be lauded or celebrated for their exuberance and iconoclasm when their adventures are recalled in years to come. In many respects they were Blair’s Sportsmen; stylishly packaged by sporting manufacturers but very little substance beyond the obvious.
Heroes and Villains by Steven Hughes
Tabloid journalists and the truth may be a contradiction in terms, but for this reporter honesty is clearly the best policy. Steven Hughes plonks himself onto the Football Sofa to explain why his relationship with his hero is a very subjective affair.
Oligarchs Prefer Blondes
The final part in the loose ‘Chelsea trilogy’ of Dispatches seems to have pinpointed the root of Fernando Torres’ current woes.
He may end the season with a Champions League medal dangling round his neck. He might go on to score over thirty goals in the Premier League with a record haul of hat-tricks. He might even gratefully receive an approving thumbs-up from a famously impassive Russian. But no matter what he does, Fernando Torres’ horrific miss in front of the Stretford End will forever feature in various Christmas cash-in blooper DVDs fronted by an assortment of ‘funnymen’ like Michael McIntyre or footballing ‘characters’ like Ian Wright.
Terry and Lamps: An Homage
Dispatches From A Football Sofa was fortunate enough to obtain a secret recording from Chelsea’s training ground this week. What follows is a transcript of a conversation that took place between stalwarts John Terry and Frank Lampard as they discuss the failed attempts to bring home Roman’s Holy Grail. Maybe.
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In Defence Of Luis Suarez by Rachael Singh
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What’s The Point Of Scottish Football?
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Captain Caveman: The De-evolution of John Terry
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Alan Davies Is Here All Week
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Liverpool Football Club, 1892 – 2012 – An Obituary
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