It’s all about Pelè’s Beautiful Game and we should all be worshipping at the altar of the Camp Nou right? Not everybody thinks so. Like a Vandal striking at the gates of Rome, Arsenal fan Natasha Henry is here to celebrate the non-aesthetes. Yes, she’s an Arsenal fan.
Tag Archives | Newcastle
Our Friends In The North: The Rise And Rise Of Newcastle United
Note: This Dispatch trades in lazy stereotypes. Newcastle fans, read to the end.
On a trip up to Edinburgh on the East Coast Main Line last August, one of the stops en route was Newcastle. As the train approached the city, the Tyne Bridge emerged with industrial majesty from the sunny haze of the train’s window and I inexplicably felt a slight shiver of awe. Almost immediately, as we waited to pull away from the station, we were greeted with the sight of a man in a Newcastle home shirt banging on one of the station platform’s vending machines uttering barely decipherable curses, having lost his money whilst trying to stay steady on his feet.
Read more on Our Friends In The North: The Rise And Rise Of Newcastle United…
Harry Redknapp Killed My Blog by George Ogier
It promised to bring a more varied and original approach to football writing but George Ogier feels the Great Football Blog Boom has gone bust. And he knows just who to blame…
The Amazing Adventures Of Captain Scott Parker
Chapter 33: In which our hero gains a promotion, takes on the Dutch and continues to look utterly dashing.
The call came one Tuesday afternoon whilst Wing Commander Scottisworth Parker was enjoying a brief moment of R&R at his gentleman’s club, deep in the heart of Marylebone. He had spent the morning fulfilling his role as Housewife’s Officer of Choice by posing for a promotional advertisement in which he side-parted his short back and sides with a leading hairstyling wax. By three o’clock he was firmly ensconced in a leather armchair, sucking on a pipe whilst mulling over the latest issue of The Chap, paying great attention to an article within concerning the correct procedure in which one must button up one’s waistcoat.
Read more on The Amazing Adventures Of Captain Scott Parker…
Don’t Mention The Bendtner by Andi Thomas
When asked to name three geniuses, The Office’s David Brent reels off the names “Milligan, Cleese, Everett… Sessions”. Well, Dispatches can now add a fourth member to this comedy unit of gold. And this man resides in the Premier League. Andi Thomas explains…
Something Borrowed, Something Blue: The Resurrections of Thierry Henry & Margaret Thatcher
No matter how many times they tried, the enemies of Rasputin could not kill him. Like some beheaded zombie who continues to drag its carcass towards you, the mad monk just kept coming back for more. And that’s how I’ve been feeling lately about the return to the popular consciousness of two foes that I thought had been vanquished and banished to the dark recesses of the dog-eared history book or yellowing newspaper clipping in a dusty archive. Yes, Margaret Thatcher and Thierry Henry are akin to Robert Patrick’s T-1000. Seemingly indestructible and hell-bent on rising from the dead.
If Your Football Club Was A Cow…
The many conundrums faced by mankind; is there life on Mars? Can we solve the Israel-Palestine conflict? Is Bruce Forsyth ever going to retire? But what you actually wonder the most is how one would go about comparing Premier League clubs with the bovine species. Dispatches From A Football Sofa has ‘udderly’ lost the plot and only gone and done it for you…
Revolutionary Road
Another week passes and once again another manager finds himself under the overhanging cloud of impending doom and gloom. In August it was Arsene Wenger’s head being offered up as a sacrificial lamb to the ever-hungry gods of the managerial merry-go-round. November seems to belong to Chelsea’s Andre Villas-Boas. Not a week goes by without fans calling for Steve Kean’s P45 at Ewood Park and after a run of bad form, the Spotlight of Doom seems to be settling in on Steve Bruce at Sunderland. Round and round we go. Where it stops nobody knows.
This Is Dispatches From A Football Sofa…
In the final series of The Wire incarcerated druglord Marlo Stanfield, having been made aware that his ‘employees’ had kept concealed that his reputation was being denigrated by sworn enemy Omar Little on the streets of Baltimore, angrily exclaims, “my name is my name!” Faced with having his name forever associated with the malicious rumours of gossipmongers, The Crucible’s John Proctor defiantly proclaims:
Reflections Of A Revolutionary – The Diaries Of Comrade Barton
Footballer, thinker, revolutionary. Comrade Josef Barton’s thoughts and philosophies have been the subject of much speculation and scrutiny. What follows are excerpts from his iconic ‘Newcastle Diaries’ written in the summer of 2011.
Read more on Reflections Of A Revolutionary – The Diaries Of Comrade Barton…
-
In Defence Of Luis Suarez by Rachael Singh
-
What’s The Point Of Scottish Football?
-
Captain Caveman: The De-evolution of John Terry
-
Alan Davies Is Here All Week
-
Liverpool Football Club, 1892 – 2012 – An Obituary
Subscribe / Connect
Make sure you don't miss any Dispatches by staying connected.
