Somewhere within the sprawling narrative of Dostoevsky’s novel The Brothers Karamazov, you’ll come across a literary oddity entitled Parable of the Grand Inquisitor. A short tangent but an intriguing one nonetheless, it tells the story of Jesus’ return to Earth as the fifteenth century gives way to the sixteenth and sees the second coming occur in Seville with no hint of celestial fanfare. Nevertheless, the unannounced stranger causes quite a stir as he goes about restoring a blind man’s eyesight and resurrecting a recently deceased child of seven years.
Tag Archives | Messi
Our Friends In The North: The Rise And Rise Of Newcastle United
Note: This Dispatch trades in lazy stereotypes. Newcastle fans, read to the end.
On a trip up to Edinburgh on the East Coast Main Line last August, one of the stops en route was Newcastle. As the train approached the city, the Tyne Bridge emerged with industrial majesty from the sunny haze of the train’s window and I inexplicably felt a slight shiver of awe. Almost immediately, as we waited to pull away from the station, we were greeted with the sight of a man in a Newcastle home shirt banging on one of the station platform’s vending machines uttering barely decipherable curses, having lost his money whilst trying to stay steady on his feet.
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Praying For Muamba: An Atheist’s Dilemma
I am an atheist. This is to my grandmother’s eternal disapproval seeing as she has grown increasingly more religious during the final chapters of her life. Seeking solace in the comforting warmth and promises that religion offers is understandable for an eighty-two year old woman. As for her grandson, he could tell you about the time he held a chimpanzee in his arms and could see in that moment the clear, fleeting connection humans shared with primates before our evolutionary paths forked. Or he could spend the best part of a thousand words debunking the myths of religion. But I am no Richard Dawkins. I am neither zealot nor crusader. Believe what you want to believe.
Shearer For England by Hayden Shaw
The final Wednesday Dispatch of 2011 sees Hayden Shaw gazing into his crystal ball and telling us the future. It doesn’t bode well for England fans. Ladies and gentleman, may we introduce to you…
Charlie Don’t Surf: How Football’s Past Could Save Football’s Future by Winston Cuthbert
Winston Cuthbert has a plan. And he wants to tell you about it with a little help from a footballing pioneer. Take it away, my good man…
It’s not often I’m actually asked for my opinion, which is why I so often tend to give it. Graciously invited to join Dispatches’ ranks, I am grabbing the opportunity to make a proposition. Seemingly nonsensical considering the world we live in today, my proposition remains a eulogy to football, mirroring the ethos and spirit of Dispatches. It is a simple yet radical proposition, inspired by the Father of Football.
I Believe In Miracles: Why Spurs Will Win The Premier League
Around this time of year we’re apparently expected to suspend our natural proclivities for disbelieving. We’re expected to believe that our bank balances are healthy when our monthly statements depressingly prove otherwise, so that we can keep the family happy by lavishing them with cheaply manufactured toot. We’re also meant to believe that a benevolent pensioner in a red suit and a white beard scales down our non-existent chimneys to reward the goodness of children across the globe. Moreover, we’re asked to believe that the Big Man sent down his son and heir to save us all from ourselves on December the 25th, coincidentally synchronising his arrival with ancient pagan festivities. Why consider the boring facts when stuffing ourselves with dry turkey and sugary puddings feels so damned good, right?
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Euros Trashed
“We watching the England match tonight?” I asked Mrs T on Friday. “Do we have to?” was her reply. I shrugged. She barely managed to stay awake and I spent the majority of the match in a state of disinterest, messing about on Twitter. And in this brief vignette, a prevalent apathy towards international football and more specifically, qualifying matches was captured.
El Clasico Arabe by JVA
You’d think the Syrian people would have far more pressing concerns than which of Spain’s Big Two deserve their unbridled support, right? But as one Spanish Canadian found out, football and geopolitics seem to go together quite well. Dispatches is proud to welcome the mysteriously monikered JVA onto the Football Sofa.
A Conspiracy of Dunces
“Sometimes to me it is disgusting to live in this world and have this football world for a living.” – Jose Mourinho
As the Happy Couple performed their much-anticipated nuptials and the world looked on with a sense of either wonderment, pride or sneering indifference (delete where applicable), much more sinister forces were at work behind the highly guarded barricades of Buckingham Palace. The royal family, you see, are not all that they might seem. According to sometime goalkeeper and now quasi-messianic oddball David Icke, the Windsors are in fact part of a shape-shifting reptilian race that controls and feeds on humanity. The sacrificial rituals required to carry on their domination led to the ‘murder’ of Princess Diana and there are grave concerns now for the future of the recently wed Duchess of Cambridge after her investiture.
A Sunday Sermon
Today’s sermon will comprise three parables alluding to the events of this most tumultuous of weeks in the Premier League parish.
The Parable of the Southern Man
After enjoying much success and acclaim with his powers of healing the most afflicted of organisms, a southern man was sent for by one of the warring kingdoms of the north-west to restore the health of one of its ailing tribes. Unbeknownst to the southern man, the tribe was in the midst of a bloody civil war that only served to inflict further wounds on a body that was suffering the ravages of the decaying of time.
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In Defence Of Luis Suarez by Rachael Singh
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What’s The Point Of Scottish Football?
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Captain Caveman: The De-evolution of John Terry
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Alan Davies Is Here All Week
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Liverpool Football Club, 1892 – 2012 – An Obituary
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