When I turned thirty I had what can only be described as the early onset of a post-quarter-life-midlife-crisis. I was consumed by the desire to do something kerr-ay-zee, so I took myself down to the local tattoo parlour on the eve of the 2008/9 season and booked myself in for an hour or so of self-inflicted skin-scratching, pricking, searing pain. On my right shoulder now resides a cockerel balanced on top of a football. It’s there forever. Forever, ever? Forever. And I hate it and love it in equal measure. It’s there now as a permanent reminder with its ink-stained durability, of the despairing futility that being a supporter of a football club brings. It’s a nihilistic pursuit, with little if any reward. Because like Spurs, I cannot ever erase it. It’s part of me now, for better or for worse.
Don’t Believe The Hype
The Media Studies student with a basic knowledge of how audiences consume media texts will tell you all about the famed Hypodermic Needle Model. This was a theory that came into prominence in the 1920s that suggested audiences passively digest information without question. As this era ushered in the use of propaganda by the Soviets and later the Nazis, it was more or less accepted that people could be manipulated into thinking what the ‘powers-that-be’ wanted them to believe.
You Say Pep, I Say Pulis by Natasha Henry
It’s all about Pelè’s Beautiful Game and we should all be worshipping at the altar of the Camp Nou right? Not everybody thinks so. Like a Vandal striking at the gates of Rome, Arsenal fan Natasha Henry is here to celebrate the non-aesthetes. Yes, she’s an Arsenal fan.
His And Her Dark Materials: The Mind Games Of Samantha Brick & Alex Ferguson
It was a very rare public show of emotion from Sir Alex Ferguson last Monday night. With his side having all but sealed the three points against a stubborn Blackburn, the old curmudgeon pumped both fists in a victorious gesture of defiance towards the visiting support. It was in that moment that it became clear that the latest threat to his supremacy at the game’s zenith had been vanquished should the remainder of the season conclude with Manchester United sweeping all before them. Manchester City had blown it. And he didn’t have to break sweat.
Read more on His And Her Dark Materials: The Mind Games Of Samantha Brick & Alex Ferguson…
Our Friends In The North: The Rise And Rise Of Newcastle United
Note: This Dispatch trades in lazy stereotypes. Newcastle fans, read to the end.
On a trip up to Edinburgh on the East Coast Main Line last August, one of the stops en route was Newcastle. As the train approached the city, the Tyne Bridge emerged with industrial majesty from the sunny haze of the train’s window and I inexplicably felt a slight shiver of awe. Almost immediately, as we waited to pull away from the station, we were greeted with the sight of a man in a Newcastle home shirt banging on one of the station platform’s vending machines uttering barely decipherable curses, having lost his money whilst trying to stay steady on his feet.
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Harry Redknapp Killed My Blog by George Ogier
It promised to bring a more varied and original approach to football writing but George Ogier feels the Great Football Blog Boom has gone bust. And he knows just who to blame…
The Hidden Perils Of Fantasy Football by Simon Jones
What’s ruining football? Manchester City’s ‘moneyball’? John Terry’s foul mouth? The decline of the Big Man up front? Actually, it’s none of the above. Simon Jones reckons it’s something else. His theory is not beyond the realms of fantasy.
Read more on The Hidden Perils Of Fantasy Football by Simon Jones…
What’s The Point Of Scottish Football?
The ignominy of seeing one of Britain’s biggest and most successful clubs this week finally accepting the grim reality of administration was one thing. Glasgow Rangers’ humiliation however, paled in comparison when the disparity that exists within Scottish football became glaringly apparent when the club had ten points deducted for its failure to balance the books. The upshot of this was in many respects the biggest indictment of football north of the border. Rangers were left trailing archrivals Celtic by fourteen points but nevertheless maintaining a nine point cushion of comfort from third placed Motherwell. The remainder of the season will inevitably be just a dull procession.
Liverpool Football Club, 1892 – 2012 – An Obituary
Some time this year.
The world of football was in mourning last night as the lights were finally extinguished on an institution that had influenced and shaped much of the footballing landscape of the last century. Liverpool Football Club, arguably the greatest club side ever to grace Britain, if not Europe, was terminated after nearly two decades of serial decline.
Read more on Liverpool Football Club, 1892 – 2012 – An Obituary…
If Your Football Club Was A Cow…
The many conundrums faced by mankind; is there life on Mars? Can we solve the Israel-Palestine conflict? Is Bruce Forsyth ever going to retire? But what you actually wonder the most is how one would go about comparing Premier League clubs with the bovine species. Dispatches From A Football Sofa has ‘udderly’ lost the plot and only gone and done it for you…
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In Defence Of Luis Suarez by Rachael Singh
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What’s The Point Of Scottish Football?
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Captain Caveman: The De-evolution of John Terry
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Alan Davies Is Here All Week
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Liverpool Football Club, 1892 – 2012 – An Obituary
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