Archive | April, 2014

What The Hell Is Wrong With Manchester United? – Part Three

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John Steinbeck knew how to kill off a character. No fuss, one shot to the back of the head and all the suffering was over. The fate that befalls Of Mice And Men’s Lennie Small was in many ways similar to that which saw David Moyes finally put out of his Manchester United torment last Tuesday. Both men painfully out of their depth in a callous world that has no reverence or patience for their lumbering ways, it seems as though when the deed is finally done those who remain can finally resume some essence of normality to their existence.

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Because I Support Spurs, I Must Hate Every Club

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(or The Damaging Effects of Football Tribalism)

Here’s a thing. I actually feel sorry for Arsene Wenger for the incessant criticism he has received from sections of Arsenal’s support. I also admire Jose Mourinho’s ability to usually outthink his managerial counterparts. As for Liverpool, they’ve been thrilling to watch and Steven Gerrard thoroughly deserves to be holding the Premier League trophy aloft in a few weeks time.

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The Levy Extraction


I had my wisdom tooth taken out last week. I had a conversation with it. A football one.

You’ve been with me for as long as I care to remember. After yet another night of twisted dreams and unconscious gum chewing, you’re there when my eyes blearily unstick. As the sunlight hits my retinas, a rush of pain shoots down my spine and swings back up again, pounding my brain. I know that it’ll be there for the rest of the day unless I numb it immediately with narcotics. You do this to me. My wisdom tooth. The wisdom tooth I call Levy.

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Manchester United A-B-C, Chelsea 1-2-3


It’s because of football that I know what the capital of Cameroon is. Football has also taught me to make quick mental calculations when working out the possible permutations for final group standings in World Cups. I also understand how football can be hijacked to serve the purposes of totalitarian propaganda, how it can assimilate all manner of scientific breakthroughs to enrich it as a spectacle and how it can rival any form of dance when it is executed with exquisite precision. In short, football has educated me in ways that transcend the narrow parameters of the pitch or the screen. It’s because of football that my understanding of the world is a little better.

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