Archive | 2013-14 Season RSS feed for this section

One Spurs Fan, One Sofa And 43 Stories About Football


Arsene Wenger as Walter White, David Moyes as Jesus Christ, Daniel Levy as a tooth, Jose Mourinho as a tramp and Tim Sherwood pretending to be a football manager. One pastry dish controversy, a scrap with David Baddiel and confessions of love for Arsenal and Garth Crooks. A tribute to a hero, a tribute to an anti-hero. Much pining for Gareth Bale and wondering what the hell is wrong with Manchester United. A 200th post. A plan for how to save football. A move to Greece. But more than any of that, the birth of one beautiful little boy. 

Read more on One Spurs Fan, One Sofa And 43 Stories About Football…


It’s Not Always About Spurs, You Know

Screen Shot 2014-05-25 at 22.46.04

There will be no grandiose proclamation of writing retirement this year. I’ve come to the happy realisation that I will forever feel the need to write about football in some form or another. There’s no point fighting it anymore.

Read more on It’s Not Always About Spurs, You Know…

How We Can Change Football. Can We Change Football?


You spend half a season moaning about the state of football and then when you actually sit down to try and think of how we, as supporters, can change it, you find yourself staring into space for the best part of a week. It’s easy to complain, far harder to find solutions and I can certainly testify to that.

Read more on How We Can Change Football. Can We Change Football?…

Don’t Blame Manchester City For Being Champions, Blame The FA

Screen Shot 2014-05-12 at 10.32.04

Spurs nearly won it in August before a ball had even been kicked purely on the strength of flamboyantly but ultimately foolishly blowing their Gareth Bale cash on virtually an entire new team. Arsenal nearly won it because they spent 128 days at the top before their customary capitulation kicked in just after the midway point. Chelsea nearly won it once Mourinho turned the mind games barometer up a few notches and the media predictably started salivating at his Machiavellian genius. Liverpool nearly won it because, because it was their self-mytholised destiny, so we were told.

Read more on Don’t Blame Manchester City For Being Champions, Blame The FA…

Dear Gareth Bale…

Screen Shot 2014-05-05 at 10.43.35

Dear Gareth Bale,

You might think it’s weird to get a letter from two people who you don’t know, especially from two people who don’t actually know how to read or write yet but we just wanted to let you know that our Daddy misses you.

Read more on Dear Gareth Bale……

What The Hell Is Wrong With Manchester United? – Part Three

Screen Shot 2014-05-05 at 19.52.23

John Steinbeck knew how to kill off a character. No fuss, one shot to the back of the head and all the suffering was over. The fate that befalls Of Mice And Men’s Lennie Small was in many ways similar to that which saw David Moyes finally put out of his Manchester United torment last Tuesday. Both men painfully out of their depth in a callous world that has no reverence or patience for their lumbering ways, it seems as though when the deed is finally done those who remain can finally resume some essence of normality to their existence.

Read more on What The Hell Is Wrong With Manchester United? – Part Three…

Because I Support Spurs, I Must Hate Every Club

A Leeds United supporter gestures towards the away fans-809756

(or The Damaging Effects of Football Tribalism)

Here’s a thing. I actually feel sorry for Arsene Wenger for the incessant criticism he has received from sections of Arsenal’s support. I also admire Jose Mourinho’s ability to usually outthink his managerial counterparts. As for Liverpool, they’ve been thrilling to watch and Steven Gerrard thoroughly deserves to be holding the Premier League trophy aloft in a few weeks time.

Read more on Because I Support Spurs, I Must Hate Every Club…

The Levy Extraction


I had my wisdom tooth taken out last week. I had a conversation with it. A football one.

You’ve been with me for as long as I care to remember. After yet another night of twisted dreams and unconscious gum chewing, you’re there when my eyes blearily unstick. As the sunlight hits my retinas, a rush of pain shoots down my spine and swings back up again, pounding my brain. I know that it’ll be there for the rest of the day unless I numb it immediately with narcotics. You do this to me. My wisdom tooth. The wisdom tooth I call Levy.

Read more on The Levy Extraction…

Manchester United A-B-C, Chelsea 1-2-3


It’s because of football that I know what the capital of Cameroon is. Football has also taught me to make quick mental calculations when working out the possible permutations for final group standings in World Cups. I also understand how football can be hijacked to serve the purposes of totalitarian propaganda, how it can assimilate all manner of scientific breakthroughs to enrich it as a spectacle and how it can rival any form of dance when it is executed with exquisite precision. In short, football has educated me in ways that transcend the narrow parameters of the pitch or the screen. It’s because of football that my understanding of the world is a little better.

Read more on Manchester United A-B-C, Chelsea 1-2-3…

What The Hell Is Wrong With Manchester United? – Part Two

Screen Shot 2014-03-30 at 22.40.08

It’s come to this then, has it? A few berks charter a plane to fly a banner over Old Trafford voicing their displeasure with a man who’s barely had enough time to chisel his name onto his office door, and it makes the national news. Still, such a juvenile gesture succeeded in giving a few people a story to tell. It really sent out a message to David Moyes, didn’t it? If only he could have seen it. Thankfully, the media scenting blood used a lovely zoom on their cameras to save us all the bother of squinting our eyes to register their irrelevance before we all got on with the business of watching United emphatically defeat Villa.

Read more on What The Hell Is Wrong With Manchester United? – Part Two…