Believe it or not, but there are some people out there who don’t actually like football. I repeat, there are people who don’t like football. Nancy Alsop is here to make the case for the non-believer. Tut.
Archive | November, 2011
Revolutionary Road
Another week passes and once again another manager finds himself under the overhanging cloud of impending doom and gloom. In August it was Arsene Wenger’s head being offered up as a sacrificial lamb to the ever-hungry gods of the managerial merry-go-round. November seems to belong to Chelsea’s Andre Villas-Boas. Not a week goes by without fans calling for Steve Kean’s P45 at Ewood Park and after a run of bad form, the Spotlight of Doom seems to be settling in on Steve Bruce at Sunderland. Round and round we go. Where it stops nobody knows.
The Gospel According To Sepp
Live and direct from his parish in Zurich, Pastor Sepp Blatter addresses his global congregation.
Brothers and sisters. Hear this. When I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound. I said, when I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound! What I heard was the wail of those who would have you believe that the souls of men aren’t pure. That a man’s heart can be poisoned by the shade of a man’s skin. Don’t be fooled, my people. The non-believer, the heathen, would lead you into a road of dangerous sanity. He would deceive you into thinking that one man has the darkness of heart to cuss and curse against another on that most sacred and hallowed place of worship, the football arena.
Some tell you that the world wasn’t created in seven days and seven nights. Others tell you we are evolved from apes. I cannot comment on this. But what I can emphatically and proudly tell you is that, I, your humble servant, having contemplated and worked tirelessly to re-pay the faith that you have placed in him, has indeed forever eradicated the scourge of Man; racism. The Tower of Babel is no more. I have brought nations together as one family and every four years they congregate to give thanks and adulation to me. For who else is capable of saving the planet from the fire of eternal damnation that is the Football Association of England?
Boys Do Cry by Felicity Cousins
“Whatever happened to Gary Cooper, the strong silent type?” lamented Tony Soprano. Well, ever since Gazza cried, the floodgates opened for one and all. Felicity Cousins ponders why emotions run high when twenty-two “little boys” take to the field.
Why I Don’t Wear A Poppy
Many years ago, when I was a cub scout, I remember having to get up on Remembrance Sunday and attend a service for those who fell during the First World War. They were sombre, sober affairs and made a deep impression on this eight year-old boy. In later years, having studied the poems of Wilfred Owen and Siegfried Sassoon and like so many others witnessed the final scene of Blackadder, the futility and waste of those four years continued to resonate despite the changing of generations. I always endeavoured to wear a poppy in honour of those who had fought but nowadays, I no longer wear one. It is a conscious decision though not borne out of apathy or disrespect I hasten to add.
There’s Something About Mario
Michael Owen. Jonny Wilkinson. Tim Henman. You still with me? Or have I lulled you into a mind-crunching stupor in the opening few sentences of this week’s Dispatch? Granted, these individuals achieved a certain level of success in their sporting disciplines during their careers but in all honesty, they won’t be lauded or celebrated for their exuberance and iconoclasm when their adventures are recalled in years to come. In many respects they were Blair’s Sportsmen; stylishly packaged by sporting manufacturers but very little substance beyond the obvious.
Confessions Of An Armchair Immoralist by Juliet Jacques
We all know it’s wrong. We can see it happening before our very eyes. In the end our beloved teams will betray us. But they say love is blind. Dispatches is proud to welcome the fabulous Juliet Jacques to the Sofa as she confesses to her very tainted love.
Read more on Confessions Of An Armchair Immoralist by Juliet Jacques…
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In Defence Of Luis Suarez by Rachael Singh
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What’s The Point Of Scottish Football?
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Captain Caveman: The De-evolution of John Terry
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Alan Davies Is Here All Week
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Liverpool Football Club, 1892 – 2012 – An Obituary
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